Contact 4 credit: Emailio.Addresstevez@gmail You can't get an STD if you never get tested.
I speak to about 12 people total, so am I ever going to call or text this girl in my phone that I poorly fingerblasted at Jewish summer camp in 1999 and haven't spoke to since? Probably not. BUT FOR SOME REASON I'M NEVER EVER DELETING IT.
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Your grandmother could change a tire in a blizzard while holding a screaming baby and drinking warm gin simultaneously. You take photos of your caprese salad so people you basically hate being friends with can "like" them and get crippling anxiety if they don't.
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I will eat an entire log of cookie dough for dinner. Why? BECAUSE FUCK YOU MOM I'M AN ADULT THAT'S WHY
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I met a couple in Austin last week who named their child Frozen. YES, FROZEN. FUCKING FROZEN.
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WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. THAT. ARE. YOU. AN. ACTUAL. HUMAN. BEING. ALSO. WHY. DO. YOU. HAVE. HANDS. LIKE. THE. GRINCH.
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REAL G SHIT BRUH (not real G shit actually. I wore a turtleneck, khakis and loafers every day until I was like 13, I looked like a rich power gay architect)
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THEY SEE ME ROLLING/ THEY HATING/ BECAUSE I'M THE OLDEST LIVING FUCKING MONARCH
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One time I tried to smell Carrie Underwood's hair from behind at an event and got choked out by a security guard named Rage! Super fun!
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